I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize