i may or may not be watching the land before time
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I could make wine with my vomit
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
