im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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