I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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