Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...