I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.