his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.