Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife