I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.