Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat

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  (949): dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat http://tfl.nu/yghv
  Replies (18) Good night (4739) Bad night (570)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...

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  (540): And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good... http://tfl.nu/zb2a
  Replies (44) Good night (1300) Bad night (9653)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.

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  (401): So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch" (401): So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim." (1-401): Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor. http://tfl.nu/7e2l
  Replies (26) Good night (2961) Bad night (1062)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free

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  (312): It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free http://tfl.nu/rz6v
  Replies (5) Good night (873) Bad night (3594)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks

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  (804): ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks http://tfl.nu/unmu
  Replies (19) Good night (3486) Bad night (994)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us

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  (225): She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us http://tfl.nu/zfzd
  Replies (28) Good night (5376) Bad night (1286)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.

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  (803): Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing. http://tfl.nu/46mh
  Replies (6) Good night (833) Bad night (2947)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.

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  (239): Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis. http://tfl.nu/6cer
  Replies (23) Good night (1368) Bad night (5450)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

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  (630): This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP http://tfl.nu/camw
  Replies (11) Good night (5059) Bad night (1537)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.

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  (306): He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call. http://tfl.nu/bo9m
  Replies (2) Good night (1878) Bad night (730)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?

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  (407): If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do? http://tfl.nu/1p3s
  Replies (6) Good night (953) Bad night (1829)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned

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  (336): Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned http://tfl.nu/hhst
  Replies (4) Good night (1320) Bad night (1966)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"

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  (440): I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found" http://tfl.nu/rmaa
  Replies (3) Good night (1678) Bad night (491)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.

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  (614): I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting. http://tfl.nu/welf
  Replies (8) Good night (763) Bad night (393)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed

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  (303): he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed http://tfl.nu/6q6i
  Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (240)

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