I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'