He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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