Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
