are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
