All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
