There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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