based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
