I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
