I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
