honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
