Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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