next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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