I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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