so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.