Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"