I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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