I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist