I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I love having hate sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”