I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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