You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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