I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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