wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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