You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
