my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Damn victory sex feels great
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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