FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
