I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
