nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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