Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
