I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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