My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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