So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
