so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
