Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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