hotel room ftw
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize