YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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