can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
