I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
