She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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