Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
