I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
