I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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