I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
