the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
