thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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