It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
