I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
