Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
