I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
