I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
