O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
