they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
