There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
