obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
