Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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